The Ultimate Crossover of Randomness
by Bagoosa
Summary: Schatten-chan and Bagoosa come together to bring you the ultimate crossover featuring the Cullens, the Flock, and Albus Dumbledore. Click and read and laugh and make fun of certain characters.
1. Act I with Bagoosa and Schattenchan

**The Ultimate Crossover of Randomness**

**A **_**Harry Potter, Twilight, **_**and **_**Maximum Ride**_** crossover production**

**Directed and produced by **_**Bagoosa**_** and **_**Schatten-chan**_

**_Disclaimer: We do not own any of these series. All we own is THE SHOELACE._**

Mr. and Mrs. Dursley of Number 4, Privet Drive, were proud to say they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. Maximum Ride and her merry band of mutants were proud to say they were perfectly unnormal, thank you very much. The Cullens were a bunch of weirdos only pretending to be normal. What will happen when their two- I mean three- worlds collide? *bum bum bum THE SHOELACE*

So it was just another normal morning in Max's flock. Max the Grouch, Fang the Emo, Angel the Evil, Nudge the Abnormal, Gassy the Farter, and don't forget, Iggy the Really-Cool-Blind-Dude.

Max and the rest of the Flock were in England. No one knows why. The Cullens were there, too. Carlisle and Esme and Emmett and Rosalie and Alice and Jasper and Edward and Bella. (They left Renesmee at home with Jacob and were regretting their decision every moment.) They were visiting Carlisle's grave. Just as Alice said, "Isn't it cool that we're visiting Carlisle's grave _with_ Carlisle?" Fang, way up in the sky, looked down and saw Edward. Happy to find another emo freak, he did a dive and crashed into the unsuspecting vampire. It probably hurt, but he didn't even say ow.

"Yo. You're emo. That flies," said the untalkative birdboy. Then Albus Dumbledore appeared and started telling Edward (in mermish, of course, as everyone thought Edward was an emo mermaid) that they needed him to hold some kids hostage underwater for some other kids to save.

Gassy, the curious little bugger he was, dove and fell onto Rosalie. He farted because he felt threatened by her beautiful fierceness. "Aaaw, you're so cute." Rosalie said, using up the breath she had left. (She was wisely holding her breath.) Rosalie had always had a soft spot for children, even if they did fart in her face.

Max thought Fang was going to flirt with Bella (even though her hair was brown) and flew down before he had the chance. She pulled him into a giant kiss, and they began a make-out session that wasn't even interrupted by Emmett's wolf-whistles.

Nudge and Angel (Iggy wasn't with them because he decided to go to culinary school) flew down because they felt alone and love. Then the Flock became friends with the Cullens (because the Cullens are just so nice and welcoming). Dumbledore was fascinated by all of them and decided to invoke some of his wisdom on who he decided were his new best friends. "When sinking- no, that's not right. As we survive through the- that's bad, too. When sinking down we learn loneliness- who comes up with this stuff? Let's all go back to Hogwarts and eat a feast (the Cullens can dine apon Voldemort) and live happily ever after.

THE END


	2. Act II with only Bagoosa

**The Ultimate Crossover of Randomness**

**Act II**

**Directed and Produced by Bagoosa (not Schatten-chan because Bagoosa and MyKittyIsAVampire got annoyed with her and locked her in the dungeon)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Boo-hoo.**

Nudge was awake. We all know what that means.

"Andit'ssogreatthatwemetyoubecausenowFanghasanemopersontohangoutwithandyourweirderthanuscausehowmanyemomermaidsthatthinkthey'revampiresdoesapersonnormallymeet (And it's so great that we met you because now Fang has an emo person to hang out with and you're even weirder than us 'cause how many emo mermaids that think they're vampires does a person normally meet-)-,"

"Stop, my ears are bleeding!" screamed Max and Angel. Fang was being all emo and quiet, Iggy was away at culinary school, Gazzy was playing patty-cake with Rosalie, and Dumbledore was busy braiding his beard and humming "Mary Had a Little Lamb."

"BLOOD!" screamed Jasper. The blond vampire then proceeded to lunge at the two bird kids.

"Hun, it's just an expression," his pixie-like wife said, grabbing his arm and holding him back, at the same moment that Dumbledore randomly shouted, "Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!" Everyone looked at the old man strangely.

Suddenly, there was a flash of light, and two boys were standing there holding a trophy. "What's this mirror doing here!" Cedric Diggory and Edward Cullen shouted at the same time. "Cool! It says stuff back! Well hello there, handsome," the boys said, neither realizing that there was no mirror. They then started styling there hair. It was a disconcerting site, seeing the two boys doing the exact same thing.

"Uh, Edward," said Emmett, "I don't think that's a mirror."

"What are you talking about, Em?" the emo mermaid/ vampire said.

_And everyone thinks I'm the stupid one_, Emmett thought. "Oh, you know, the fact that you're not even wearing the same thing as your reflection." Edward reached out to prove his vampire brother was wrong, accidentally hit Cedric in the head, and killed his Brittish wizard counter part.

"What are you doing!" shouted Harry Potter. "You're supposed to be in the lake back at Hogwarts! We're in the wrong graveyard! Professor, you need to be back at school! Who are you people?! WHY CAN'T YOU FOLLOW THE BOOK!" He was pointing furiously at the Cullens and the Flock and the graveyard and Cedric's body and the sky and the ground and everything else with in eyesight.

Just then, a teenage girl with bushy hair and glasses and a navy blue sweatshirt named MyKittyIsAVampire appeared out of thin air. "Let's sing about it!" she shouted. Schatten-chan appeared next to her and started singing with MyKittyIsAVampire. Suprisingly enough, Harry joined in, and Carlisle and Esme started disco-dancing. Dumbledore just kept braiding his beard.


	3. Act III with pretty much just Bagoosa

**The Ultimate Crossover of Randomness**

**Act III**

**Directed and Produced by Bagoosa, with assistance from Kaitie Kittenesses (formerly known as Schatten-chan): 'cause really, we all know who the brains of this operation are (jk, not really) ;)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, but my birthday is in a few months, so you can give me the rights to all my favorite series.**

They say there is a fine line between genius and crazy, and Dumbledore was sitting on the fence. Literally. Dumbledore, along with his new best friend Iggy (who graduated top of his class) sat up on a fence on an island in the middle of the lake. They were at Hogwarts for the second task of the Tri-Wizard Tournament. Angel had done her mind-control thing on Hedwig and was using the poor owl to send letters to Voldemort. She was sure that he would make an excellent puppet.

Fang and Edward sat facing each other. _Yo. There's a dog named after me, but he can't fly. _

"Are you sure he's named after you?" Edward asked. _At least Angel has the decency to tune me out_, thought Fang. "I can't," Edward said simply. _It's a good thing his reflection can't read minds,_ Fang thought. "How did he come alive again?" asked Edward. The crowd watched the beached emo mermaid talk to himself.

Max's screams pierced the sky. "Where did you get those SHOES?!" Bella backed away, and Nudge looked at her strangely.

"I thought you didn't like shopping?" Nudge asked.

"That's what those fanfiction writers think! Don't you remember what I did to Iggy and Gazzy when they blew up my only pair of non-Good Will jeans?" At this, the Gasman burst into tears, and Rosalie rushed to comfort him.

"You only have one pair of non-Good Will jeans?" Alice asked. "Oh, you poor thing! As soon as we get off this island, I'll go shopping with you!" She grabbed the bird-kid leader and attempted to run over the water, but the merpeople stopped her. "Here, Mr. Merman! You can take Edward! He's one of you. We'll stop holding him hostage. And before you ask, no, Bella won't mind!" She then left with Max to find the nearest mall, closely followed by Nudge.

"No! Bella, love, please save me!" Edward shouted as the merpeople pulled him away.

"Shush, Edward! I'm writing a letter to Jacob and Renesmee," said Bella. She didn't notice that they had dragged her husband away for a week and a half.

"Bye Cedric Double Eye!" shouted Iggy.

"Yeah, good-bye Cedric Two!" shouted Dumbledore.

No one noticed the word _crazy_ painted onto the side of the fence they were on.

CLOSE CURTAINS


	4. Second Showing, Act I with Bagoosa

**The Ultimate Crossover of Randomness**

**Second Showing, Act I**

**Directed and Produced by Bagoosa (with minor assistance from Kaitie Kittenesseses and some pleading not to write this by MyKittyIsAVampire, though this is good-natured teasing)**

**Dislaimer: Only two months, one week, and one day until Christmas. You know what to get me...**

It was an intense moment. Mrs. Weasley, Iggy, and Edward stood on the Quidditch pitch, cooking stations conjured around each of them. Suddenly, Iggy shouted, "You'll never taste me alive!" This earned a few strange looks. Harry called for Dobby. "Dobby, could you get me some popcorn? This is going to be the best cook-off ever!"

"Cook-off!" Dobby exclaimed. "Dobby shall cook!" And he apparated onto the pitch and conjured another cooking station. Then started what was later coined as The Ultimate Cook-off of Randomness.

Emmett was sitting in the stands and was growing to hate his beautiful, loving, perfect wife. Rosalie was teaching the Gasman one of the most important life-lessons: how to put on make-up. Of course, they needed someone to practice on... "How about this color?" Gazzy asked, holding up a tube of bright red lipstick. "I'm going for the dramatic look."

Rosalie hugged him gently. "That's perfect. You're so smart. Emmett, isn't he smart?"

Max, Alice, and Nudge, the new Golden Trio, sat close to the pitch. "Come on, Dobby!" they shouted. "If you win, we'll buy you new clothes!" When some flying tomato sauce hit Max's new jeans, she shrieked. "*$&$^$ *^*%^&$^& (^&(^*&^* emo mermaid!"

Bella continued writing to Jacob and Renesemee.

Fang sat behind Esme, braiding her hair. Carlisle sat behind Fang examining his wings. "You know, your wings are really quite extraordinary, " Carlisle told Fang. The only response he got was, "So's your wife's hair."

Angel frowned. Voldemort was off doing her bidding, and Total was hanging out with Fang (Hagrid's dog). She needed more friends. Suddenly, Kaitie Kittenesseses appeared next to her. "Angel, when someone's on their period, they bleed through their eyes _(A/N inside joke)_." MyKittyIsAVampire materialized right next to them and, sure enough, was bleeding through her eyes.

All of a sudden, the vampires rushed to MyKittyIsAVampire. "BLOOD!" they shouted. "Angel," Kaitie Kittenesses said in her manipulating way, "MyKittyIsAVampire doesn't deserve to be a vampire. Stop them." So Angel did.

When the vampires rushed foward, they accidentally caused some ingredients to go flying. As they stopped, some coconut milk landed in Mrs. Weasley's treacle tart. In Mrs. Weasley-fashion she abandoned cooking to yell at them, leaving Iggy and Dobby the last contenders in the contest. Needless to say, we won't be seeing the vampires around for a while...


	5. Second Showing, Act II with Bagoosa

**The Ultimate Crossover of Randomness**

**Directed and Produced by Bagoosa (and assisted by Kaitie Kittenesses, who is brushing her teeth right now)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, but if you own the rights to these books, I'd be happy to take them off your hands.**

"If we're going to be living here, we'll be doing it in style!" exclaimed Alice. Nudge nodded vigorously beside her.

"Thanks again for gorilla gluing her mouth shut, Hermione. You're a genius," Max said.

"It was nothing after convincing Lady Legna, Voldemort, and Harry that the men in the white coats just want to help them."

"Lady Legna?" asked Iggy.

"Angel decided that since Tom Riddle is known as Lord Voldemort, she needed a cool name too," explained Dumbledore. "I'm still trying to figure out why she didn't go with my suggestion of 'Frances'. It's a perfectly frightening name."

"I agree," Iggy said. "So then you add this piece of hair to the braid..." He was teaching Dumbledore how to french braid his beard.

The gang- that is, Max, Fang, Iggy, Dumbledore, the Gasman, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Nudge, Jasper, Edward, Hermione, and Ron- entered the furniture store. Carlisle and Esme were visiting Esme's grave, and Bella was at home making sure Jacob and Renesmee weren't- well, let's just say that after last time, they made it to their favorite TV show (_America's Most Wanted_). Harry, Angel, and Voldemort were in their happy places.

Gazzy ran over to one display and plopped down on the bed. The walls were painted blue, and the bed had red sheets and a white comforter. "Look!" he shouted. "It's American!" He stood up and began bouncing on a bed.

Ron walked up to him. "No, it's not! It's British!"

"American!"

"British!"

"American!"

"BRITISH!"

Rosalie pounced on Ron and growled. "Never speak to my baby like that again." She stood up. "Or else..." Ron ran as fast as he could to the nearest fast food restaurant. Well, you can't exactly shop on an empty stomach.

Alice squeeled and ran over to a display with pale pink walls and a lavendar comforter, Nudge on her heels. "It's perfect!"

"Let's check out his bounce-ability!" Emmett exclaimed as he hopped onto the bed and, mimicing the Gasman, jumped up and down, up and down.

"Oh, look at how cute my little men look!" Rosalie ran around both displays, her two index fingers and thumbs forming a rectangle. Every few seconds, she'd make a sound like "kch" or say, "Smile for the camera!"

Edward walked over to another bed and took a large bite of it. "I didn't know he did that when he wasn't doing it with Bella," Jasper said to himself. Edward swallowed and walked away from the poor, damaged bed.

Max and Fang were on the nearest bed, making out. Edward watched them. "I wish Bella were here," he muttered to himself. Suddenly, there was a pop.

DoubleStuf (formerly known as MyKittyIsAvampire) appeared in the store, a plate of cookie cake, oreos, chips, and queso dip in her hands. "Don't worry, Edward!" she shouted. "I'm here! I love you!"

Edward fell to the ground, clutching his head. "NO! Please! Don't think! I'll never be clean again!"

Angel's voice came into Max's head. _"Max, what's schmexy?"_ She abruptly stopped kissing Fang (who proceeded to cut himself because he thought that he wasn't wanted) and tried to come up with an answer.

Kaitie Kittenesses appeared over Edward, a bag of Meow Mix in her hands. "Here, kitty, kitty," she called before dumping the bag's contents over the vampire still laying on the ground. Her pet panther lunged foward to eat the delicious kitty food- and maybe an arm or two.

Fang was bleeding on the floor. Max was panicking. Nudge and Alice were still admiring the display, and Emmett and Gazzy were still jumping on the beds while Rosalie 'took pictures' of them. Ron was eating Burger King's entire stock, and Hermione was trying to read one of the cardboard boxes made to look like a book on a bookshelf. Edward was being eaten by the panther while Kaitie Kittenesses laughed over his body, and DoubleStuf tried to lure the panther away with oreos. Iggy was still teaching Dumbledore how to french braid and, ubeknownst to them, Jasper listened in. Bagoosa appeared on one of the unoccupied and non-mangled beds and began a beautiful rendition of "Kumbaya".


End file.
